Joanne Guest FAQ > Part 2 |
There are several thousand images of Ms. Guest currently floating around the Internet. One estimate (oh all right, my estimate) has 10300 actual image files, with enough "gaps" to suggest an overall total in excess of 11000 published photographs (or, to put it another way, over 1 gigabyte of filestore).
As one person who shall remain nameless once commented:
It boggles my mind to realize that Our Lady of Mayfair has, for some years, been having photos shot of her at a greater rate than could be downloaded on a 9600 Modem running continuously 24x7. Somehow, it reminds me of what they used to say about marching Chinese double file into the sea.... :-)
You'll find a (text-only) listing of Jo's picture sets at my other website.
You might have thought that with several thousand genuine nude pictures of Jo in circulation, there wouldn't be any fakes around. And you'd be wrong. A handful of fake nudes of Jo (that is, Jo's head pasted onto another body, and other image manipulations) have appeared on the Net.
Another form of picture deception is left-right reversal. Some rather unscrupulous people (presumably in an effort to boost their "collection") have taken some pictures of Jo, cropped the image (usually to remove background detail) and applied left-right reversal: the resulting picture looks (at first sight) to be a different image from the series in question.
Spotting the fake nudes of Ms Guest is easy (well, it can be easy, at any rate). But only the members of the JOGGING 'Inner Pentangle' (There Is No Cabal) know the secret signs by which the reversed pics can be identified.
Hardcore pictures of Jo are proving very difficult to find: I've been searching for several years without success. There are quite a few pictorials where it looks like she might be screwing the male model [1] and there's one picture that some people say crosses the line, but if you're looking for pictures with "fingers buried up to the elbow" be prepared for a disappointment.
The lack of genuine hardcore shots has of course resulted in fake pictures being produced. Some of the fakes are laughably bad, but with others you'd have a hard time telling it was a fake unless you'd seen the picture on which it was based.
I prefer to deal with facts rather than mere speculation. And don't call me Shirley :-)
For a longer discussion of this matter (including the infamous pip0572 series and the adverts for hardcore videos), see Appendix 4: "Wot, no hardcore?"
[1] - Jo herself has repeatedly claimed that these pictures were all "posed" and that there wasn't any real hardcore taking place at the shoots. But, hey, why should you lot believe what she has to say?
Confused by some of the terms used? Check the glossary.
It's nothing to do with the Blur video for a start <pun alert>. These pictures come from Japanese CDs and the censorship laws in Japan obviously must state that pictures showing full nudes must have the genitalia blurred. [2] In many cases the pics have appeared elsewhere so your best option (if you can't stand Jo in pixelated doses) is to look for scans of the same pictorial from non-Japanese magazines.
I don't understand the complaints myself as it's not as if there's anything being hidden that you can't have seen before.... Look, if they really upset you then squint when you oogle the pictures. You won't notice the effect too much then. ;)
[2] - I understand this law was modified some time around 1997, so the amount of blurring on later pictures is much reduced. There are still restrictions, though.
Some websites have an annoying habit of renaming pictures: they often end up with thrilling filenames such as "joguest.jpg" or "1.jpg". This can be a problem when trading pictures of Jo ("which one of the five jo27.jpg's were you wanting again???")
There is also the problem of long and rambling filenames that don't tell you all that much (for example, there are nearly 100 different pictures that could be titled "jo_guest_nude_in_the_shower.jpg"). [3]
So, allow me to propose some...
[3] Not to mention the out-and-out ego trips such as "DTG_Scan_4_by_Dave_The_Genius_oh_I_nearly_forgot_it's_a_pic_of_Jo.jpg".
Most of Jo's pictures date from before 1998, when long filenames were less common. The majority of these scans use a file naming convention proposed by Armin Forker.
For magazines, the filename is constructed like this:
e.g. Babe Hound magazine, June 1997, picture 7 of set, scanned by IM would be "bh9767im.jpg"
For daily publications, this becomes:
For calendars, put the letter "C" after the source magazine code
(e.g. Motor Cycle News Calendar 1996: mcc96*.jpg)
For "best of" compilations, put the letter "B" after the source
magazine code
(e.g. Best of Mayfair 14: mfb14*.jpg)
The source magazine codes are listed in Appendix 2. And yes, she has appeared in all those magazines.....
A CSV file is a text file, constructed in a certain way to allow information to be transferred between spreadsheet or database programs. Picture collectors use CSV files to compare their collections: a typical CSV from a picture collector will contain details of every picture in a collection (filename, file size etc).
Many picture collectors structure their collection according to the identity of the person scanning the picture: for example, a collector might be interested in "ScanMaster" scans, so would want to obtain "ScanMaster" CSV files to ensure that they had all the pictures in the series.
The problem is: there are so many different sources for the pictures. Individual scanners (at least, the ones who habitually release CSV files of their work) rarely produce a picture series composed exclusively of pictures of Jo: it's far more likely you'll get a CSV file containing details of a handful of pictures of Jo, plus details of dozens of pictures of other people.
Another problem is that most of the pictures are scanned from magazines. If it's a particularly popular set, the chances are that more than one person will have scanned the pictures from a specific magazine issue. Which of these is the "definitive" scan? Different people will have different ideas about what scan is best, and you can't include all alternative scans of the same source picture: nice though the "pole dancer" series is, it begins to pall when you see it for the 9th time...
Nevertheless, some of the braver Jo fans are sticking their heads above the parapet by publishing CSV files of their collections. As explained above, none of these are definitive (indeed, none of them CAN be definitive) but they should give you an idea of the range of pictures that are out there to be collected.
At least three 'model profile' style videos featuring Jo have been produced for the UK market. However, there has been a certain amount of "recycling of content", and thereby hangs a tale. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin...
Steam TV was, I believe, the company commissioned to make a video of Jo for the Japanese market: it was released in Japan in 1997 where it formed volume 13 of the "Yellow Box" series of Video CDs.
In 1998, Steam TV decided to release the video on the UK market, where it appeared under the title "Page 3 Profile: Jo Guest" - see Appendix 1 for a review. Jo's management objected to this release and tried legal action to stop its distribution (apparently on the grounds of "lack of UK distribution rights" rather than the content per se). This led to the video being advertised with the caption "The video they tried to ban!"
In 1999 the video was repackaged and released on Video CD under the title "Joanne Guest in Portugal". A DVD version (with the original "Page 3 Profile" title) was also released - see Appendix 1 for a review.
Enter Playboy. They commissioned two DVDs, both of which relied heavily on the Steam TV footage. The first to be released (in autumn 1999) was "Playboy - Millennium Calendar Girls" which featured Jo as Miss January, with 11 other models occupying the other months. (This should not be confused with "Playboy's Shagalicious British Babes" which was a different video for the American market - see below)
The second Playboy DVD appeared in December 1999. Titled "Playboy Celebrity Special - Joanne Guest", it is essentially a reworking of the Steam TV footage, although to be fair to Playboy there is a certain amount of extra material added - see Appendix 1 for a review.
To add the icing on the cake, March 2001 saw the release of "UK Celebrity Special - Joanne Guest", which is yet another repackaging of the same material. However I am given to understand this DVD is available in a Region 1 format, so should be of interest to American fans.
So, on the face of it there are 5 different videos (6 if you include the original Japanese release) but if you were to buy them all you'd be getting much the same stuff several times over. As DB mentions in his review, the Millennium Calendar Girls isn't really worth getting unless you're interested in the other 11 models. If you have the choice, the Playboy Celebrity Special is the one to go for, but if you've already got the Page 3 Profile video you're not missing all that much.
In 1997, Jo appeared on the Playboy TV channel in the second programme of the series "Best of British: Babefest" - her appearance was confined to a single sequence showing her on a pool table (as DB commented, "puts a whole new meaning to Pot Black"). The programmes (essentially as broadcast) were also released on VHS video.
In Spring 2000, the Babefest footage was repackaged and released in the USA as "Playboy's Shagalicious British Babes", in both VHS and DVD (region 1) formats.
In April 2001, the programmes (with the original "Babefest" title) were released on DVD in the UK. So, what extra material does the DVD version contain? Over to our reviewer, DB:
Sweet FA. The extras amount to a two screen biog of each girl and a few stills from each shoot.
Clearly, these don't represent all that good value for money unless you're interested in the other models as well as Jo. However it isn't yet another rehash of the Steam TV footage, so should be applauded for that reason alone.
Originally released in the UK in 1997, it was re-released in December 2000. Although some of the location shots were taken in Portugal, it is a completely different video from the Steam TV tape already mentioned. Further details of this video (and other older merchandise featuring Jo) can be found in The Archives.
1997 saw the release of a "Glamagotchii" CD game called Love Bytes. It was inspired by the virtual pet craze: the idea of the game was to keep a VR version of Jo happy by spending lots of money on her (so it's very realistic then?) - Jo was chosen by the producers of this CD because "she's the most famous glamour girl in the country and she's famous for not having a boyfriend."
She also appears on numerous picture collection type CDs, with the odd one or two being totally dedicated to her (e.g. some of the Japanese "Yellow Box" series of CD-ROMs). A search of the Adult CD shopping sites on the WWW should turn up something.
Well, the sad news is that the official calendars stopped with the 2000 edition.
Jo has of course featured on other calendars from time to time (e.g. the Danilo Topless Supermodels calendar) but these calendars usually feature pictures of other models so can be a rather costly way of getting your hands on pix of Jo.
Confused by some of the terms used? Check the glossary.
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