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Glossary of Terms

a.b.p.e.
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.[insert fav group here] - A subset of Usenet where all the naughty people hang out.
a.b.p.j-g
alt.binaries.pictures.joanne-guest - the newsgroup devoted to Jo.
Anti-Disjopublishmentarianism
A term to be used whenever a Jo Guest site goes down due to censorship, or her newsgroup is not added to your local server.
ASA
Advertising Standards Authority - a bunch of interfering busybodies responsible citizens who monitor and uphold standards in UK advertising.
AVI
Micros**t's format for video clips.
AVS
Age (or Adult) Verification Scheme - these operate on the quaint notion that charging money to a credit card account somehow "confirms" you are an adult.
Bacon buttie
UK slang for a bacon sandwich.
BBFC
British Board of Film and Video Classification.
Be My Guest (BMG)
The name of Jo's monthly appearance in Mens World was BMG; it was subsequently changed to "Jo Guest Superbabe". I prefer "Be My Guest" myself.
Bristols
UK slang for "norks".
Cabal
1. A collection of people who secretly run things behind the scenes.
2. There Is No Cabal.
CSV
Comma Separated Values: a special format of text file, often used when transferring data from one spreadsheet (or database) to another. In the a.b.p.* newsgroups, a CSV file will usually contain details of a picture collection (filenames, file sizes etc).
ECTS
European Computer Trade Show.
FAQ file
Frequently Asked Questions file. You're reading it, stupid.
FHM
UK men's 'style' magazine; a rival to Loaded. Originally called "For Him Magazine" but nowadays only the initials are used.
"gazongas"
American slang for "Bristols".
GIF file
Compuserve's graphic file format. Only advantage it has over JPG is that you can create animated GIF pictures.
Holy Mole, The
Jo has it, just at the base of her spine. It's a great way of identifying her if you can't quite see enough of her other recognizable features (ie. face, norks) in the picture.....
JO.G.G.IN.G
JO Guest Graphics INternational Group (Grope?) - There are many who can lay claim to being in this group (see "Cabal"). Also the title for a (now-defunct) newsletter.
joogling
"oogling of Jo Guest". Very technical and kinda hard to explain, extra points are awarded for spotting her mole and for noticing if the pic is 'mirrored'.
JPEG (or JPG)
A graphics file format - the best one for scans of photographs.
Loaded
British monthly mens 'style' mag. Not quite top shelf material. Once described as "the mens mag for men who don't want to be seen buying real w**k mags." Mention it with derision.
Mens World (MW)
Definitely a top shelf mag. Featured Jo as the regular girl in every issue from Volume 5, No. 3 (1993) to Volume 10, No. 5 (1998) in the "Be My Guest" pictorial.
MOV
A format for video clips produced by the QuickTime (QT) software.
MP3
MPEG Audio Layer 3 - a format used for sound samples.
MPEG (or MPG)
Moving Picture Experts Group. A format (or more correctly a series of formats) for video clips etc.
Net.death by Jo
Or: 'How Jo Kills Web Pages'. Putting images of Jo on your website is tantamount to net.suicide as you're bound to exceed the max number of hits allowed by your ISP. Goodbye and good luck.
News server
A machine that provides a newsfeed. Not only do they provide Usenet access but they are the cause of much frustration as some multipart posts get eaten in between servers.
Ng
Not a surname (well, not this time): it's a shorthand for "newsgroup".
"norks"
Australian slang for "gazongas".
NOTW
News of the World - a UK tabloid newspaper; the very epitome of all that is honest and decent about British journalism.
N.B. Earlier versions of this FAQ referred to "News of the Weird" in connection with the above title. It has been brought to my attention that "News of the Weird" is a completely separate publication. My apologies for any confusion that may have arisen.
Page Three
In the UK, "The Sun" was the first newspaper to include a picture of a topless woman as a regular feature. These pictures first appeared on page 3 of the newspaper; hence a "Page Three model" is a topless model.
PARP
Paul Raymond Publications - the publishers of UK top shelf magazines such as Mayfair, Mens World, Men Only, Razzle, Model Directory, Club, and Escort. They are published every 4 weeks (i.e. 13 issues per year), not monthly like US mags.
Picture
Top class Aussie magazine....
QT
QuickTime - software for playing (or creating) video clips.
RAR
An archiving program, similar in concept (but different in detail) to PKZIP. It gets used on a.b.p.j-g to compress the video clips prior to posting them on the newsgroup.
Repost
What DB and "fatcat" do as full time work. When parts of multi-volume posted videos/series go missing on usenet the calls ring loud and wide throughout the land for a repost. Must make up about 25% of the newsgroup's traffic.
Top shelf
A reference to the (UK) practice of putting all the naughty magazines on the top shelf of the magazine rack in the shop, where the little kiddies supposedly can't reach them...
Totty
Slang for "attractive young woman". Not one for use in refined company, methinks...
UKP
UK Pounds - avoids problems with the "pound sign" currency symbol.
Uploaded
Not a declaration but the online version of Loaded.
URL
Uniform Resource Locator - an internet WWW "address" (see WWW).
Usenet
Public message forum on the Internet. Can be used to pass pictures around or so I'm told....
VR
Virtual Reality. In other words, "make-believe".
WAV
Micros**t's format for sound samples.
Whitehouse
UK top-shelf magazine: one that sails rather closer to the wind than many other UK magazines.
N.B. The name Whitehouse is derived from the surname of a well-known UK anti-porn campaigner: it is NOT a reference to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
WWW
World Wide Web - the flashy graphics and hypertext part of the Internet. Oh yes, there's Java too (before Stig complains...) mustn't forget the Java routines......

 


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